It's time

Seeing as 2005 is rapidly (!) approaching, I say it's time to announce the nominees for the 2004 Brain Droppings and Other Goo "Douche-Nozzle of the Year" award, where we nominate everyone that did and/or said something incredibly stupid, assinine and/or shitey. This year's nominees are:

• Microsoft/Bill Gates [Link 1] Link 2]



• Christopher Carmouche [Link 1]



• Earl Balboa [Link 1]



• George Bush [Link 1] [Link 2] [Link 3] [Link 4] [Link 5]



• The MPAA/The RIAA [Link 1] [Link 2]



• Orrin Hatch [Link 1]



• SBC/Ameritech [Link 1]



• Some Old Guy [Link 1]

Vote for your favorite Brain Droppings and Other Goo "Douche-Nozzle of the Year" nominee, or nominate your own fuck-wad, cock-stick or ass-smoking pole-stuffer today, and we'll see who walks away with the coveted 2004 Brain Droppings and Other Goo "Douche-Nozzle of the Year" award. More committee nominations to come as well! Huzzah!

Brain Droppings and Other Goo's "Douche-Nozzle of the Year" award is brought to you by Summer's Eve and a generous grant from the John L. Tetzlaff Foundation: When you think class, think Tetzlaff.

Normally I'm a real ass

... but I would like to wish everyone Happy Holidays, and especially A Merry Christmas, as it is Christmas Eve. I hope everyone finds a little peace in their life. Happy Holidays to the troops overseas, and God Bless your effort.

Peace, everybody.

Where the hell did you come from?

I sat in shock today, with my may agape, as I read the press releases on a website called LaptopLobbyist.com. I was lead to the website by an article in the Philidelphia Weekly, detailing how a reporter for WHYY in Phildelphia, an NPR station I might add, was fired from her job for leaving these people a very nasty message on their answering machine, and accidentally leaving her work number as a return phone number. (Oops.) Well, they campaigned to have her fired from her job, despite the fact that she was not calling on the radio stations time, but her own. She did indeed get fired. This intrigued me... what sort of website has the power to get someone fired from their job because of something they did in their personal lives that should have had no effect on their job? So I went there... and, as I stated before, my jaw slackened with each paragraph until you could have driven a fully-loaded Mack truck into my esophagus.

Among other wonderful contributions to society, this website slings rhetoric that is so hyperbolic that it's laughable, and yet outragous. It's like listening to Rush Limbaugh talk, but without that hilarious inflection he has. *sigh* While I hate to reprint any of the ofal that they spew forth from their collective claptraps, I think that if any of these people involved in LaptopLobbyist.com gains any real power, we are all in some serious barney.

Conservative Activist Group Calls on Frist to Discipline Six
Who Voted Against Marriage Amendment

Christopher Carmouche -- Executive Director of Laptoplobbyist.com, a conservative activist group – is calling on Majority Leader Bill Frist to discipline the six Republicans who voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment by removing those who chair senate committees from their respective chairmanships. The six include Ben Nighthorse Campbell of Colorado, Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island, Susan Collins of Maine, John McCain of Arizona, Olympia Snowe of Maine, and John Sununu of New Hampshire.

“The Republican leadership could only muster 48 votes on the Federal Marriage Amendment,” said Carmouche, “and three of those were Democrats. Republicans let the most liberal members of the Party chair their committees. That is a cruel betrayal of the folks who have supported the GOP in the belief that they were voting for conservative government. Bill Frist should see that these defectors are removed from positions of power – and he should do it right now – today. You can’t housebreak a dog if you wait to punish him until the week after he’s messed up the rug.”

Carmouche said that the Federal Marriage Amendment is one of the most crucial issues ever brought before the U.S. Senate. “The trashing of marriage that began in Massachusetts can’t be forced on other states. Opponents of this amendment know very well that the danger of that happening is very real. If the GOP leadership doesn’t discipline these people, a lot of social conservatives are going to stay home in November.”
[Some collection of douchebags]

I can contain myself no longer. Warning: Rant Approaching!

What the FUCK is wrong with you people? You don't punish somone for doing their job just because they disagree with you! God DAMNIT, you, Cardouche, represent everything that is horrible and dark and wrong about lobbyist groups in this country. I elect that we setup a dictatorship, simply to send people like this there, where they can have all the crazy laws they want, with no regard for the democratic process, and then, after all that, they can be shot in the head for disagreeing with the leader. Hows that for freedom for you, buddy? Huh? These Senators either a)had constituents who disagreed with the bill, or b)disagreed with the bill personally. Now, while I admit that B is not the way that a "good public representative" should act, they all do it. Left, Right, Up, Down, they all fucking do it, so who am I to go "Whelp, what a bunch of fucks." Hell, I'd do it too, and I sure as shit know that the pole-smoker Cardouche would do it. What kind of twisted person would run an organization that's sole reason for existence appears to be making it's employees and volunteers look like jingoistic facists? What the fuck? Oh, OH, my favorite part of his interview, and I quote:

"You can’t housebreak a dog if you wait to punish him until the week after he’s messed up the rug."

Smooth. Next time you want to shoot yourself in the foot with analogies, make sure you put your foot in your mouth first. Good God, I think that was the worst sentence I think I've ever heard come out of anyone's mouth, when use in reference to a political structure of which he is, apparently, wanting so badly to become. Well, listen here, choad-buffer, the day a fuck-smack like you has any sway over the political process is the day I have some fun with sleeping pills and booze, 'cause there's no place on Earth that would be safe. I'm a big fan of beatings, usually involving the skinny end of a fishing rod, or some rattan reeds, but I don't think that would do you any good. No, I think, perhaps, strapping you to a wheel-chair in the middle of downtown San Francisco might give you a bit of an eye-opener. Then the fishing rods will be yanked from their holsters, and you will be beaten, briskly, about the head and face... and then we'll let the gays have ya.

Okay, I feel (sorta) better now. Sorry you had to witness that. See you later. Bitches.

Monetary Recompense and other stuff

I have decided that I am far too popular, and I figured I should say some things that may make me very unpopular, although not, hopefully, with the people that read and comment on this blog, as most of you are quite intelligent. However, if I were to say any the following out loud in my small town tavern, I would most likely be nailed to a tree by my nipples... which, of course, means I will walk into my local tavern and say everything I've typed immediately after I'm done. What, you may ask, is so horrid?

I believe the money that the survivors got from 9/11 was a horrendous slap in the face to America.

Yes, yes, curse all you like. Please, understand that I believe 9/11 was a horrendous tragedy, and it should not be forgotten, nor should any one who perished have died in vain, but... the survivors received waaaaaaay too much money. If I'm correct, the figures that I got from The Week Magazine were somewhere close to $2,500,000 for each surviving family (that applied.) Now, I do agree that they are entitled to some money... from their life-insurance policies, and yes, maybe a bit from the government, but not $2.5 million. Correct me if I'm wrong, ladies and gentlemen of the Armed Forces, but when a soldier dies, there is a one-time amount of $12,500 that is paid to the soldier's family, plus any back-pay that may have been owed up to 60 days before the death. Now that's a fine how-dya-do. The families of the men and women that have died, are dying, and will die because of G.W.'s "crusader complex" are getting screwed, in comparison to the WTC survivors. Basically, the government is telling them "You died in the wrong place, at the wrong time." Now, yes, I understand that soldiers are knowingly entering a risky situtation at most times, and that the WTC victims were just expecting another day, but that's still ridiculous. Really. Page 2.

Now that you're all infuriated with me, allow me to prove to you that I am not a godless heathen by promoting a charity that I really dig. Surf on over to Child's Play, and donate a bit. Child's Play is a charity started by the odd folks at Penny-Arcade, in response to several articles published last year, stating that Video games were doing nothing but training kids to kill, and most experienced gamers, by inference, were nothing more that sociopaths. So Gabe and Tycho of Penny-Arcade started Child's Play, and proved them wrong last year, by providing more than $250,00 worth of toys and cash to the Seattle Children's Hospital. This year they have expanded their operation to include several different Children's Hospitals across the nation. Please, drop a few bucks and get a very sick kid a gift. I'll be doing a fundraise at a few of my gigs to try and raise enough money to buy an X-box or something. Ask me about it if see me. Page 3.

On a side note, I thought you might like to know that Microsoft can still lick the sweatiest section of my dangling sack. Why? Well, amongst other horrid crimes against computing, they have started a blog service. Horrid? Well, yes, actually, the user-interface makes me think fondly of my "HTML in Notepad, FTP through DOS" days, but more egregious they filter language that is posted on the blog itself, or used in the title. (This is why I'm proud to use Blogger, where I can say fuck, or I can say shit, or I can say "I'm Bill Gates, and I'm a piece of fucking shit." Mmmmhmmm.) However, the WORST bit is the a bit that a sharp blogger, asciident found in the EULA, which is as follows:

For materials you post or otherwise provide to Microsoft related to the MSN Web Sites (a "Submission"), you grant Microsoft permission to (1) use, copy, distribute, transmit, publicly display, publicly perform, reproduce, edit, modify, translate and reformat your Submission, each in connection with the MSN Web Sites, and (2) sublicense these rights, to the maximum extent permitted by applicable law. Microsoft will not pay you for your Submission.

Okay, go ahead and read it again. Uh huh, thats right, they're asking for permission to take away a percentage of your Intellectual Property rights, reproduce entries into your blog at will, and not pay you a dime. *ahem* Fuck you, Bill Gates. I hope someone hits you with the skinny-end of a fishing rod until you understand that fucking your customers is BAD. Fuckwad.

Nutjobs, nutjobs everywhere, I need a good stiff drink.

Continuing on the rant about nutjobs and their assorted nutjobbery, I would like to revisit the issue of teaching "Intelligent Design" in classrooms across the nation. Nathan was good enough to post a link in his comments to my last nutjob post. He recommended reading the Talk.Origins Archive, which is an archive of a newsgroup, called Talk.Origins, strangely enough. Give it a look, you don't have to agree with anything in it, you just have to chew on it for awhile.

Anyway, I was reading yet another article about the whole "Anti-Evolution" thing, yadda yadda yadda. Well, I was reading, and while it cause steam to rise underneath my already loose collar, I kept reading, until I came upon this bit:

The drive to bring more religion and what have been labeled "moral values" into the classroom goes beyond challenges to Darwin's theory, Scott said. The Charles County school board also proposed to censor school reading lists of "immorality" or "foul language" and to allow the distribution of Bibles in schools. In Texas, the nation's second-biggest school textbook market, the State Board of Education approved health textbooks that defined abstinence as the only form of contraception and changed the description of marriage between "two people" to "a lifelong union between a husband and a wife."

"The religious right has a list of topics that it wants action on," Scott said. "Things like abortion, abstinence, gays are higher up in the food chain of their concern, but evolution is part of the package."
[Anna Badkhen, SFgate.com]

My brain really can't take much more of this, as it just attempted to climb out my right eye socket. Of course, the right is going to take away the ability for my [non-existent] kids to have the classics introduced to them in the school, by someone whom they can have a discussion about the book with. Let's rid ourselves of "The Catcher in the Rye" because of all that steamy sexuality, oh, and get rid of "The Great Gatsby," it talks about marital infedility, thievery and murder.

Fuck that.

Oh, and as a side question, where the hell are you going to put the bible in the library? Huh? Does it go under the Religion section, where it belongs, right next to The Qur'an and the writings of Buddha? Or are you going to put it in the "Non-fiction" section, where it has no damn place? Gee, let me think... I wonder. After all, if we can teach unscientific theories in science class, then we can sure as shit push the rest of our dogma in school. It's shit like this that makes me ashamed that I was raised Catholic. Thank God my parents have some sense of reality, and taught me to think for myself.

The part that really steams my clam is that almost everyone involved on the religious right in this arguement has a scary religious zealotry that one generally finds in suicide bombers, religious terrorists, Christian militia members, etc. They're the people who won't take no for an answer, don't care how you present the evidence, etc, because you're wrong, or a "false prophet", or something like that. I got into a religious "discussion" with a guy at a bar, because he overheard me talking to one of my buddies about my belief in "evolutionary creationism", or something along that lines. He got on my back about not reading the Bible, and so on, and I asked him if he believed everything in the Bible was fact. He said yes, and I said "Then this conversation is over." I walked off, and he came over and asked me why I did that, and I told him that if his folks had given a Qur'an instead of a Bible, he'd be the same zealot but, as he said, "a godless heathen", because he believes everything he reads, and at that, stuff that was written thousands of years ago, and isn't even the complete book. Several books of the bible are kept from the public by The Vatican, because they go against some dogmatic bullshit or another. Anyway, he quoted me something about being a false prophet, and I had to grin. Right before I walked away, I said "How do I know that you're not the false prophet, or that you even exist at all? Maybe you're just a temptation from the Devil, trying to get me to serve him." Oh, that pissed him off something proper, but he didn't pursue. Fuck him.

Anyway, nutjobs need to go.