Constitutional Amendments

I am proud to live in these United States of America, and I am proud to be a U.S. citizen... but ever since ol' Monkey Boy got thrust into office by his brother and a gaggle of Supreme Court justices, I have had more moments of shame than ever. I am ashamed of being a citizen of the United States when The Monkey is trying to pass an Amendment to the Constitution that would ban homosexual marriage. *AHEM* Now, dig, I'm not a homosexual myself, despite what a few of my enemies may say, but I can understand where they're coming from. Like any human being, they long for somone to love them, and they do find it, which is hip. However, it's not hip that the government won't recognize the fact that they love each other and want to show their commitment to each other in the highest way possible. Noooohooohoooo. Gays can't marry, say some people, oh but let's let two teen-agers marry each other without another thought, because they're a hetero-sexual couple. Fuck that noise. I betcha if gays were allowed to get married more often, there would be a helluva smaller divorce rate in this damn society of ours. But, I digress, thats not my point. My point is that this amendment, which was thankfully defeated, was a horribly... miscalculated... no... ASININE move to begin with!

First off, we have the Right and the Left screaming at each other over this bill, and frankly, I like what the Left is saying, because they're not a group of ignorant, gap-toothed, whiskey-swillin', redneck pole-smokers (with perhaps the exception of Ted Kennedy, but he's a Kennedy, so he's gold.) Actually, here is a quote from one of these "gentlemen" on the whole issue.

"No one wants to discriminate against gays," responded Judiciary Committee Chairman Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah). "Simply put, we want to preserve traditional marriage."
[Washington Post]

Did anyone have to blink real hard to keep your brain from impacting the front of your head and squeezing out through your eyesockets? Yeah, me too. They don't want to discriminate against gays, they're just passing a highly discriminatory law directedly only at gays, ensuring that will not be able to enter into lawful marriage... Huh. Well, I took it upon myself to look-up discriminate in the dictionary, thinking "Maybe I'm all wrong about the proper use of the word. Maybe I have joined the teeming millions of other people, including the Supreme Court, in misusing this elusive word." So, I headed to the fine folks at The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, and looked up the word. Here's what I found:

Main Entry: dis·crim·i·nate
Pronunciation: dis-'kri-m&-"nAt
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): -nat·ed; -nat·ing
Etymology: Latin discriminatus, past participle of discriminare, from discrimin-, discrimen distinction, from discernere to distinguish between -- more at DISCERN
transitive senses
1 a : to mark or perceive the distinguishing or peculiar features of b : DISTINGUISH, DIFFERENTIATE [discriminate hundreds of colors]
2 : to distinguish by discerning or exposing differences; especially : to distinguish from another like object
intransitive senses
1 a : to make a distinction b : to use good judgment
2 : to make a difference in treatment or favor on a basis other than individual merit [discriminate in favor of your friends] [discriminate against a certain nationality]

Wow! I was right! Huzzah! But wait... doesn't that mean that Judiciary Committee Chairman Orrin G. Hatch, the same man who is currently pushing for The INDUCE Act, is nothing more than a beef-witted dunce for his horrible misuse of a fairly popular word? Or is it simply that he meant to say "everyone" instead of "no one"? Or maybe, just maybe, he's just a fuckin' redneck asshole who probably should have choked on Lincoln Logs when he was three, so that he would have no chance to procreate, thus polluting the gene pool for years to come. Yeah, I'll go with that one, along with a healthy sprinkling of beef-witted dunce. What the... okay, alright, deep breaths are now nescessary.

Everyone breathe, now. ... Ahh, that feels better.

Now, down to the issue of the Amendment. First off, all the amendments to the Constitution that basically told the public that they couldn't do something were repealled. There is, of course, only one Amendment that did nothing to ensure freedoms or further define operations and procedures of the government, and that was Article XVIII, or the Prohibition Article. Now, I agree, this is a completely different discussion, but it still stands as the only amendment to the Constitution that attempted to take rights away from the people, and was, therefore, subsequently repealed. What makes The Monkey think that this horrific amendment won't get struck down when people come to the *stark* realization that gays are people to? Anyway, to both conserve my strength and to keep me from throttling anyone associated with this bill, I will wrap this part up. Check out the article from the Washington Post here, and keep an eye on this issue, because The Monkey isn't done. He and his backwards-ass, redneck cronies are going to be pushing this like the "Heimlich Manuever" button on Air Force 1, and it's just going to get uglier.

Fuck it, I'm moving to Madagascar... where they have Lemurs.