Free Robot Porn

Sorry, just a bit of a google experiment for the title. Let's see how many hits come from geeks searching for free robot porn. Free robot porn? Thats right, free robot porn, free robot porn, free robot porn. Anyway, on with todays rant.

SpongeBob Squarepants is Gay?

Alright, this really started, I guess, with Jerry Falwell, when he called one of the Tellytubbies gay. I simply shook my head, cursed the religious right with some bad juju-bees and let it be. Well, those crazy red-necks are at it again, this time accusing SpongeBob SquarePants of being gay. Wondeful. Just what we need. "Hey, everybody, we haven't scarred our kids enough this year, so lets pick an American pop-culture figure (who is slightly effeminate) and deem him Gay and evil! Huzzah!" Yeah, that's real nice, you gap-toothed, slack-mawed fuck-nails. Let's teach our kids to hate and discriminate based on behaviour. Gah! Here's a bit from and article:

On the heels of electoral victories to bar same-sex marriage, some influential conservative Christian groups are turning their attention to a new target: the cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants.

"Does anybody here know SpongeBob?" Dr James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, asked guests on Tuesday at a black-tie dinner for members of Congress and political allies.

In many circles, SpongeBob needs no introduction. He is popular among children as well as adults who watch him cavorting under the sea on the Nickelodeon cartoon program that bears his name. In addition, he has become a well-known camp figure among adult gay men, perhaps because he holds hands with his animated sidekick Patrick and likes to watch the imaginary television show The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.

Now, Dr Dobson said, SpongeBob's creators had enlisted him in a "pro-homosexual video", in which he appeared alongside other children's television characters. The makers of the video, he said, planned to mail it to thousands of schools this northern spring to promote a "tolerance pledge" that includes tolerance for differences of "sexual identity".

[New York Times BugMeNot]

Tolerance. One of the most misunderstood words in the English language. To tolerate something does not mean "accept it as your own." It does not mean "love it like your chlid." It simply means "put up with it." Tolerance is not a bad thing, although I find acceptance to be a little bit meatier... but I digress. I'm tolerant (for the most part) of the Christian Right. I sure as hell don't like it, but I'm tolerant of it. Now, you, Christian Right, should be teaching your kids tolerance, not hatred. [Warning: What follows is extremely intolerant!] Fuck you, you fuckin child-molesting back-fuckers! You're gonna get to Heaven and God's gonna be a black guy that talks with a lisp. He's gonna laugh, I'm gonna laugh, your head will explode, and then it's off to Hell with you, where you'll spend the rest of eternity being used as a profalactic for the thorny-cocked "Gulthub the Rampant". So fuck you, fuck your intolerant bullshit, fuck your "Holier-than-thou" attitude, and fuck your warping of a religion that preaches love and understanding into a religion that teaches mistrust and hate. On that note, here's how I believe a conversation between the Christian Right and I would go:

Christian Right: Are you the guy going around, cursing us for turning Christianity into a religion of hate?
Doc: That's right.
CR: Well you're a sinner and you're going straight to hell for your blasphamies.
Doc: Wonderful, but first, I need to introduce you to someone. Christian Right, these are My Nuts. My Nuts, Christian Right.
My Nuts: *whap-bam* TEABAGGED!

So, to reiterate, I don't like it when the Christian Right gets all uppity. Looks like we might need another Roman Persecution era... thin out your ranks a bit. Now don't get me wrong. I don't hate Christians that act like... well, like the Bible says they should. They're just annoying, but I tolerate them. It's the ones like Falwell and this closet choad-buffer James Dobson (doctor of my ass) that really make me want to charge in to a "Focus on the Family" meeting with a wiffle-bat filled with bees and just start WHACKIN' AWAY. Oh, and for those of you who would like to point out that I am being intolerant myself... shove a spoon up your ass, would you? Ig'nant motherfuckers.

Anyway, hope ya'll have a great weekend. The Deuce is loose!

Just too good...

I was out poking my head around the 'net, trying to find some way to pay a traffic ticket online, I came upon this website, which lists the counties in the specified state, and then lists lawyers that practice in that county. Innocous enough, it seems, and I was about to pass it by, but something caught my eye. It was the small type at the bottom of the website. It appears to go through the ticketing processes and talks about such things as possible arrest, etc. But the first sentence it starts with is hilarious:

If you drink alcohol or use drugs and drive your car or automobile on a road, highway or interstate, you may need to use a global positioning satellite device, gps, for directions.
[States.traffictickets.com]

I thought I was using my GPS system to compensate for my terrible direction sense, not because I had been drinking. Ah well.

Tom Delay...

I can't say his name without clenching my teeth, and causing my eyes to bug out of my head. While the deal with the GOP and the laws about indictment are bugging me to no end, the most recent DeLay action makes that look like a Boy Scout outing. As picked up from American Coprophagia.com, it details DeLay reading a hand-picked bible verse during the 109th Congressional Prayer Service from a church on Capitol Hill:

"A reading of the Gospel, in Matthew 7:21 through 27.

Not every one who says to me, "Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven; but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.

Many will say to me on that day, "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?

"Then I will declare to them solemnly, 'I never knew you: depart from me, you evil doers.'"

Everyone who listens to these words of mine, and acts on them, will be like a wise man, who built his house on a rock:

The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew, and buffeted the house, but it did not collapse; it has been set solidly on rock.

And everyone who listens to these words of mine, but does not act on them, will be like a fool who built his house on sand:

The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew, and buffeted the house, and it collapsed and was completely ruined."

Picture me hitting myself in the face with a tack-hammer, and you basically have my reaction to this lovely reading. Stunning, absolutely stunning. How the hell can you stand up and say this kinda shit after 150,000+ people have died in Asia, most of whom are Muslims and Buddhists... gah, what the fuck? Delay, you insensitive prick. I hope you are assaulted in the parking lot and are beaten with some metal rebar until your are clinically dead. Then, you should be taken to the finest hospital, where you may be resucitated.. then drug back out to the parking lot, and beaten, yet again. Repeat until pulped. Either that, or DeLay should be placed in a sensory deprivation tank, and then pelted with marbles at odd times. Fuck off and die, Tom. I don't give a damn if you want to read your Bible and think what you think, but you're in a position of power within the US Government, and should watch your God-damned mouth! If there is a just and loving God (by any name you please), you will be struck down by lightning simply for that comment, if not for what you've done to this country. You son of a bitch. GAH!

I can retain my rage no longer! Time to go drinking, and take out my agression on the local bar flies, who will argue me tooth and nail. It'll be fun.

Is that you McCarthyism?

It sure looks like it, but in a disturbingly different form. What form is that, you may ask? Why, the form of rising anti-gay sentiments that are sweeping the nation. I like to call it McGaythyism, and it's just as ridiculous, if not more, than McCarthyism was. Here's an excerpt from the article that finally solidified this feeling for me. It's about a Catholic school who's PTA and such is an uproar because the school admitted a boy who has two gay parents.

Some parents and parishioners have accused the Roman Catholic diocese in Orange County of violating church doctrine by allowing a gay couple to enroll their children in a church school.

The group demanded that St. John the Baptist School in Costa Mesa, CA, accept only families that pledge to abide by Catholic teachings, the Los Angeles Times reported in Sunday's editions. Church doctrine opposes gay relationships and adoption by same-sex couples.

"The teachings of the church seem to have been abandoned," John R. Nixon told the Times. "We send our children to a Catholic school because we expect and demand that the teachings of our church will be adhered to."

School officials rejected the demand, and issued a new policy stating that a family's background "does not constitute an absolute obstacle to enrollment in the school."
...
The Rev. Gerald M. Horan, superintendent of diocese schools, said that if Catholic beliefs were strictly adhered to, then children whose parents divorced, used birth control or married outside the church would also have to be banned.

Some parents have promised to ask the Vatican to intervene and some have threatened to pull their children from the school. Others are worried the boys' attendance will set a precedent, saying their presence is part of a larger effort by the gay community to change the church.

"The boys are being used as pawns by these men to further their agenda," said Monica Sii, who has four children at the school.
[AP story, Savannah Morning News]

I know, I did it too. That quick head-jerk that you have to do to keep your brain from severing it's connection to your spinal cord. Congratulations Monica Sii, you've won "Person I Would Most Likely Beat With A Wiffle-Bat Filled With Bees" award. Hopefully that will teach you to think before you open your mouth, in order to prevent yourself from saying something stupid, like talking about the "Gay Agenda", and how they're using little children to propagate it. *sigh* More than likely, however, you'd just do something even more stupid, like go and say something like that when a reporter is around. Woops. Well... at least you're on record as being an ass.

I applaud the actions of Rev. Gerald M. Horan, superintendent of diocese schools. Not only did he not beat the damn thing to death, but he basically gave a {what I assume to be} a sizeable percentage of the school's parents the finger with the "divorce, birth control, or married outside the church" quote. I like it! Well done, sir, and I hope that your level head pervails.

So, in short, McGaythyism looks like it's here to stay, and I, for one, am shocked and appalled, Mr. Senator.