Dangerous Toy Round-up

Well, seeing as the turkey is in "left-over" mode, I think it's time to look ahead to Christmas, and take a look at all the un-safe toys you shouldn't be buying for Johnny and Jane this year. Now, we've all seen the common Dangerous Toys lists, but they never cover the truly dangerous toys, toys that could kill your child in an instant. You need to protect your children from experiencing life's little lessons, so they will be utterly unprepared, as adults, to deal with any situation that may arise. So, with that in mind, let's take a look at this year's MOST DANGEROUS TOYS!

• The Frisbee - a time honored toy that children have played with for years. Yet, disturbingly, the frisbee can be used as a "suicide" implement by your youngster attempting to acheive freedom from your horrible parental reign. Wham-O, the makers of the most popular frisbee models, has refused to comment.


• Marbles, another classic toy for children, teaches them the art of playing together, while allowing them to play with colorful array of glass globes. But children are big fans of putting things where they don't belong, and your child might meet an unlucky fate after having such a run-in with a marble, or sack-of-marbles.


• Rectal thermometers may be a fun treat for your child, but the mercury inside can be dangerous, especially when apsorbed rectally. Rectal thermometers can also incite "sexual play" among your child and their friends, and that's just not normal, damnit.


• While every child enjoys playig with Industrial-grade Cleaning Products, they can be dangerous, especially when ingested orally, or in combination with rectally-ingested mercury. It's best to steer clear of any industrial cleaning products that don't have polymeric aluminium chloride and trichloroisocyanuric acid in them.


• Anything mime related. It just turns your kid into a foreign film loving sissy-mary. That and it's creepy.


• Dungeons and Dragons, while it may seem like a fun and fascinating way for your child to spend time with his geeky buds, fuels the imagination with dangerous accelerants, like "math", "THAC0", and "the occult". Soon your child will wander the darkend streets at night, thristing for the blood of the living, damned to and eternal existence of feeding on the innocent. All because you thought this game would be fun...

That'll do it for my top six "Unsafe Toys" this year. Why six you ask? Because I'm a lazy, lazy man. A truly chilling list, and any parent that would purchase one of our "Most Dangerous Toys" for their child should be taken out back and beaten with the skinny end of a fishing rod while being forced to listen to Quentin Tarantino talk about how brilliant he is... or we could stop worrying about what toys are safe, and what ones aren't, and just assume that parents will do their jobs. Besides, do you really want a person in any position of power if, as a child, they would have eaten one too many Lincoln Logs, save for their parent's "safety intervention"? No, me neither. Why didn't Barbara give G.W. a wood-burning kit? Who knows. I'm outta here.

Happy Decemberween everyone.

Nostalgia

After listening to WGN's Unconventional Wisdom, I became nostalgic for "the good ol' days", back when men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri. Back then, we could look to our political system for moral guidance. When unsavory people did unsavory things, our moral lawmakers would make sure they paid the price for their actions, with no thought of political gain what so ever! In fact, the Republicans, in an effort to clean-up Congress in 1993, passed a bill that would force any seated Chairman, Senate member, etc. to step down from their post if they were under indictment. They even weilded this law with holy vengance against House Ways and Means Chairman Dan Rostenkowski, an Illinois Democrat who was later convicted. Morals and law-abiding citizenship, thats why I look to the Republican Party!

Oh, but wait... whats this? You say Tom Delay, House Majority Leader and general, all-around saint, looks like he might be indicted over a redistricting scandal that picked up 5 Senate seats for the Republicans in Texas? Well, what shall we do? I know, we'll change the law that we passed to nail that slime-bag Rostenkowski, so that we can keep our saintly Delay safe from harm! No, it's not a double standard, and it's in NO WAY politically motivated. Tom is just such a sweet, kind, caring person, there is no way he could be associated with a redistricting scandal, and those evil, wicked Democrats won't leave him alone!

Maybe, just maybe, I'm missing something here, but I do believe that's what went through every Republican's mind (without the witty Douglas Adams quote) who voted to let Delay keep his post when (not if, damnit) he is indicted by the jury in Texas. That has to be... there's no other train of logic that could lead to it unless... [*shocked*] the Republicans are playing dirty pool! You mean continuous ravaging of Bill Clinton was based on political gain, and not moral fiber? I refuse to believe that! No... wait... that's the one. The Republicans have claimed, since Newt Gingrich's "gilded age" speech in '92, that they were the most moral of the political parties. Yes, now we see where morals get you... pork-barrel contracts, legislating to benefit, and a House Majority leader who think's he is the government. Lovely.

Well, guess I should get drunk, then.

Nutjobs need to go

I stumbled on a blog today, aptly titled JunkYardBlog, and it made me shake my head and sigh. The main contributor is a hard-core right-wing nutcase, and almost everyone who posts comments on the blog is either a hard-core right-wing nutcase or a hard-core left-wing nutbar. Now, that would be bad enough, but the frosting on the cake is that every one of them appears to be a fiercely BITTER nutjob. These are the people that make trouble for everyone else, really. Left, right, I don't care. Extremists (nutjobs) need to go. End of story.

To continue the nutjob theme, let's move on to the schools, shall we? I was listening to Talk of the Nation: Science Friday, which is a weekly program on NPR, and they were talking about including Creationism or other such theories in with the teaching of evolution. In fact, the Dover Area School District (near York, PA) now forces teachers to include the "Intelligent Design" theory in science class, along with evolution. That's weird... I thought creation stories belonged in Religions of the World class, not science class. Oh ho, now, don't get offended, what I'm saying is simply this: Science is just that... science. It's based on a little thing called "The Scientific Method" which involves testing, more testing, testing your results from your test, and the gathering of empirical evidence. Now, how are you going to even begin to test the "Intelligent Design" theory? There is no scientific way to go about it, no solid evidence to gather, nothing but hypothises' can be made about it. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not dumping on the "Intelligent Design" theory, or any theory of creation held by religious people, they just have no place being taught in a SCIENCE class. However, people like "Clark Smith", in a post on this bulletin board, in response to this message, says that I'm horribly wrong:

In your 11/24/1999 you use an interesting tandem of thoughts: "unwise science"

That is precisely the problem. Science is not wise at all. It is deaf and dumb to experience, revelation, and intuition.

Your "coalition" is by remarkable in the jargon that you employ: "an environment of mutual understanding and interaction between scientific and religious conceptions of creation."

There is no scientific conception of creation and you know it. That is the major scientific flaw! The laws are very rigid in your factworld - you can't get something from nothing.
[note from Nate: A factworld is apparently some sort of strange, bizzaro world, where things are based on "fact". Creepy.]
Let's lay the ax at the root. Science has no concept of how the original "stuff" originated. You merely have postulations of cycles. You pick the current cycle for this eternity and hope in future exploration for a real answer.

Do you know what we in religion call this forward-looking confidence? F A I T H

You see that's what we have in common - FAITH. But you won't admit it. And let's tell each other the truth.

SCIENCE IS A FACT SYSTEM HELD IN FAITH
RELIGION IS A FAITH SYSTEM HELD IN FAITH

Even if religion was 100% wrong in what we know and believe, at least, at the very least, we are honest and consistent. Until science is ready to admit that it is uniquely unqualified to postulate on the origins of "stuff", please keep your coalitions out of the classroom and keep your scared, smug smiles confined to the labratory.


Want more: http://www.dutchfork.com/creation.html

I'll add more later. Gotta go.

The Revolution will not be televised

Now, for those of you who are "new" to this blog, I'm a big political buff, but especially when it applies to technology. You can read my breakdown of the DMCA, or you could check out my objections to the FCC-mandated broadcast flag. Now, something has been happening in the past few days. The MPAA has started it's lawsuit rampage, following in the footsteps of the RIAA, which, of course, means the MPAA is now as doomed as the RIAA is. Good luck, monkey-spanks. However, the dooming of the MPAA is not the only thing that has had the internet rights community buzzing: One is the ominous Cooperative Research and Technology Enhancement (CREATE) Act of 2004 (H.R.2391), and the other is The FCC's apparent attempt to control everything it can get it's grubby, fine-throwin' fingers on. Now, I've read the PDF brief of the law [55-page PDF], and I couldn't find anything that implied that the FCC was attempting to flex it's judicial muscles over computers and other non-TV devices, but I haven't read it in-depth enough to really tell. Hopefully I'll print it off and bring it to my gig tonight, and read it during set breaks. In fact, I'll be printing off a copy of H.R. 2391 tonight, as well, so that I can pour through that, too. You might have a look-see, and take a look at some of the articles that decry it. We may have a real fight on our hands, here.

But then again, when do we not?

Ridiculous alarmism is on the rise again

Here's a story I just picked up off of Boing Boing.net, one of my daily news obsessions. This story really just makes me shake my head and groan, and it reaffirms my belief that a large percentage of this country is filled with beef-witted Klingons who should, by no means, be allowed to breed. Here's a snippet:

BOULDER, Colo., Nov. 12, 2004 — Parents and students say they are outraged and offended by a proposed band name and song scheduled for a high school talent show in Boulder this evening, but members of the band, named Coalition of the Willing, said the whole thing is being blown out of proportion.

The students told ABC News affiliate KMGH-TV in Denver they are performing Bob Dylan's song "Masters of War" during the Boulder High School Talent Exposé because they are Dylan fans. They said they want to express their views and show off their musical abilities.

But some students and adults who heard the band rehearse called a radio talk show Thursday morning, saying the song the band sang ended with a call for President Bush to die.

Threatening the president is a federal crime, so the Secret Service was called to the school to investigate.

Students in the band said they're just singing the lyrics and not inciting anyone to do anything.
[ABC News]

Now, there is a verse inside the song that could get people pretty upset, if you named a name, but there is no name. No mention of GW, or Bush, or Shrub, or "That Stupid Monkey-Fucking Rat-Fink in Washington D.C." Nothing. It's a damned song, people, and while it convey's a very anti-war message, it's not threatening anyone explictly. Here is a link to the lyrics. I would reproduce the lyric that everyone is getting up in arms about, but I feel it's important to read verses inside lyrics in the context of the entire song, not just as single pieces of speech.

As a side note, I really like Dylan's Masters of War. It's an excellent song. The band name, "Coallition of the Willing" is also an excellent political stamenet. Keep it up, folks.

Hard to starboard!

Dyarrr, maties, welcome aboard. It's time to have a nice long chat about piracy. First, however, I would like to say that anyone involved in upper management at Electronic Arts Studios can go straight to hell, where I hope the burn in their own special level of hell, reserved for child molesters and people who talk in movie theatres. I know software development is a long, stressful endevour, but when you make you're employees work for 90 hours a week with no overtime or comp time, you become an evil tyrant. I hope EA CEO Larry Probst chokes on his fillet mignon, and some big ol' biker dude sticks his dick in Probst's ass while he's choking. Seriously, what the fuck?

Now that I have that off my chest, let's talk a bit about the MPAA, the RIAA, the software industry, and piracy. Now don't shake your head like that, you've pirated something. Yes you have. Frankly, I don't care, because everyone wants something for free, and if you can get it, well, what the hell, they won't notice one, right? Oh, yes, it is stealing, too. When you pirate software, you are stealing out of the pockets of software developers, who probably have no other source of income. "Well, what about music and movies," I hear you question, "isn't that theivery just as bad?" Well, yes and no. Yes, it's still stealing, there is no question about that... but... the movie industry and recording industry can suck my dick. First, the MPAA can fellate me. If they stopped overpaying their "talent", movie costs would sure as hell go down, and increase profit ratios. This, however, is not their most horrendous error. Simply put, their biggest money loser is they keep making shitty movies. Now, granted, not every movie can be "The Incredibles" or something like that, but why oh why do you keep producing stupid, pandering CRAP? Seriously, it's shit. This is the same problem with the music industry, actually. Crap crap crap crap, you keep signing crappy bands, and promoting crappy bands. Blink-182? Fuck those guys, the only thing they have going for them is the drummer from the Aquabats, who is a monstrosity. Britney? Christina? Timberlake? Fuck ALL that shit. It's all shit. However, this is not the main problem I have with the RIAA. Now, I'm a musician, as most of you know, so I play out quite a bit. I have recorded on a few albums, and it's a lot of fun, but I don't make any money off of those albums, and I don't really care. I don't like recording, it's too artificial, there's no interaction. Live music is where it's at. So, when major labels start giving you the guilt trip about how you're taking money from musicians by downloading their albums, it's wrong. Musicians shouldn't be making a majority of their money on albums, it should be coming from PLAYING MUSIC. You wanna sell merch at the concert? Go right to it, but for God's sakes, make your money PLAYING LIVE. (Now we can get into the RIAA Artists Treatment issue, but I've done that before. Let's just say I hope the RIAA and all the management associated with it gets a level lower than EA execs in hell. Fuckwads.)

This is all leading into my main point, though. My main point is that the RIAA and the MPAA need to take a nod from the software industry when it comes down to products. Software piracy is HUGE. Lets say I download 1,000 albums. That'll work out to something like $20,000 retail (over)price. I can beat that with three software downloads, something like, say, Lightwave 3-D, Microsoft SQL Business Server and, oh, I don't know, let's say SpeedRazor GL. Thats REAL close to $20,000 in piracy right there, and while a lot of people wouldn't download specialty programs like that, it's possible. What does the software industry do to keep piracy numbers down? Well, they sue all their users... no, wait, they don't. That would be the wrong way to do it. They innovate. They release new and better software, and they LISTEN to the people who buy their products (except Microsoft. They suck). Now, there are lawsuits and C&D's, but they aren't nearly as prevelant as with the RIAA and the MPAA. Open Source software is a step in the right direction, too. Competition is huge, so it drives numbers, and everything skims along. So, basically, the RIAA and the MPAA can sue anyone they want, but if they keep this up, they'll be out of business in the next 10 years, and indy labels/movies will rule again.

When it really comes down to it, though, I just hate anyone that sues their customers because they were too slow/stupid to adapt to technology.

Dumb-asses.

First of all

I would like to thank all of the veterans, as well as anyone who is currently enlisted in the armed forces. Your ever-vigilant sacrafice to keep this country free is truly awe-inspiring.

Next, I would like to wish my mother a Happy Birthday. You're now officially an old lady... but don't worry, you're still hip, and I love ya. Let's go drinking.

Now then, on to a question, directed at anyone who may know the answer. Can anyone explain to me what this is all about? It's like some weird faux stock-market for blogs... my mind is considerably blown. Not only that, but apparently this blog is doing alright, considering I'm fairly sure I'm the only one who reads it. Huh. Anyone?

Huh. Well, I'll be back.

Things that make you go... Wha?

Here is a letter to the editor of The Morning Call, a paper in New Jersey (which already puts it high on my "Oh, Christ..." list.) Apparently, these are the people that voted for George Bush. These are also the people that cause wars, bigotry, and, in me, a horrid anger.

Jesus speaks through the Republicans

I hope the election of George W. Bush is seen as a wake-up call to all the liberal Democrats who oppose God's will.

It is His doing that George W. Bush is still our president. Millions of born-again Christians helped win this election through our prayers and votes. Jesus speaks through the Republicans.

The Democrats will not be able to win elections until they renounce their sinful ways and stop encouraging abortions, gayness, and trying to take away our guns.

Earl Balboa

Washington Township
[The Morning Call]

Well, as a Kerry voter, I would be offended... but I'm too busy giving an abortion to a lesbian who's ex-NRA. I'm also not CRAZY.

I would like to applaud Ryan Boyle on his commendable switch to a political soup-kitchen during the past few months. It's been a blast, and I'm sorry to see that he's moving back to his old "Boyle Kitchen" style, although it was entertaining. I, however, will not be reviving my prior topics, although everything will not be politics... it's just shit that pisses me and JR off. It'll be great. I think we'll start the next post with a ditch at the MPAA... those ass-fucks.

I'm outta here.

Welcome to Harvard, enjoy your ed-u-ma-kay-shun

It happened again. No, not the shattering of my boyhood hopes and dreams, although that is a good guess. The funding referendum for the school district, D50, didn't pass yet again. Good job, schmucks. Instead of raising your property taxes by a functional 0.65%, you've denied the school district the money it needed to continue it's extra-cirrucular activities, including football and wrestling, which is basically what the damn school did. You want lower property taxes to attract new growth? Great idea! Thats what I look for in a new area where I'm looking at raising a family! To hell with the schools and civic quality of life, I just want me some low-ass rates!

It finally makes sense... this law was passed by people with no kids, or people who are bitter, and want nothing better in the world for children than what they had. Give them a small one-room schoolhouse, I hear you cry, and slap them on the knuckles when "they done bad." That'll learn 'em... or we could stop being entirely ignorant, and realize that we won't be around when our kids are our age, and the better we treat them, the better they treat their kids, and the world in general. But noooooooo. Nice job, dumb-asses. You've killed the Harvard School system, possibly for good. How does it feel, driving the stake through the hearts of your children, dooming them to low-paying jobs at Walmart (sidenote: Walmart can burn in hell.)

I hope to spit in your casket at your funeral, those of you who don't support education... I'll drink a shitload of eggnog before hand.

My thoughts on the election

I mean, other than "we're fucked." While it's concise, and can be considered somewhat enlightening, it's not what I would call in-depth. Now, I've been ill since Monday with a rather nasty cold, so my time has been filled with long TV sessions with Comedy Central, CNN, BBC, and Cartoon Network. (As adult as I may be while I'm working for clients, I get to be as childish as I like the rest of the damned day. Poop fart weiner.) Needless to say, I've seen a lot of breakdowns of this and that, why this happened, who did what to whom, and why my whites could be whiter through some sort of oxygen technology breakthrough.

Whelp, here we go. Kerry didn't get elected. While I can't say I'm shocked, I am saddened. I do know roughly how stupid the "American" populace is, as I deal with a selection of them when I'm doing the computer thing. They, that is, the populace of The United States, has caused my jaw to slacken. One of the main reasons that Bush supporters stated they were voting for Bush was because of morals, or rather, they saw Bush as the more moral candidate.

*blink* *blink*

Yup. Did your brain attempt to force it's way out your ear when you read that too? No? Okay, look at it this way. GW has sent more than a thousand US soldiers to their deaths over a reason that was thin, to say the least. Now, as to whether he really believed his reasoning or not is something different. I happen to think he is just stupid enough to believe it, and Dick is just evil enough to let him keep believing it. (As a side note, don't you think it's a little odd that one of the main cats of Haliburton was in power when the company's main bag, rebuilding national infrastructure, just HAPPENS to come up... in an oil-laden country... with a large population of non-WASPs... just saying, is all.) Now George is back in power, and the whole damn war is going to drag out for a good long time. Fan-fucking-tastic. Either that, or we'll end up invading Iran for some stupid reason ("The spelling is very close to Iraq.") What the hell happened to Afghanistan? Does anyone care to help me out with that one? Rob, do you cats talk about Afghanistan at all? (Not to insinuate that you don't have anything better to talk about, I must say, as being in the Armed Services is a admirable thing and comes with it's own, very hefty responsibilites.) What the hell is going on?

Well, I live in a small town in rural Illinois. It's a very odd town, as we have farmers, laborers, small businessmen/women white-collar workers, college professors, airline pilots, professional drunks, and gap-toothed hill-billies. The mix of people in the bars is almost always a large percentage hillbilly and professional drunk, with a smattering of the others. Now, I've had political discussions with almost anyone who will listen to me in this damn town, and I've been shocked at which people vote/voted for whom, and how open they are to even having a discussion. To many, including myself, politics is a very touchy subject, and it lights the fires within their bellies, which has oft times been filled with with an incendinary mixture of rhetoric and liquor. This either turns into a civil debate, with a respectful but beefy back and forth, or it can degrade into a one-sided "beat-you-about-the-head-and-face-with-my-beliefs"-a-thon (phew!), of which I have only had three. Those are usually a real pain in the ass, because people who engage in these, face to face, are usually unable to control their anger, and will hopefully end up pushing carts at Wal-mart. (Side note: Wal-mart can burn in hell.) Anyway, back to why I brought this up, I was shocked by some people these past few days. Folks who I thought would be staunchly pro-war were anti-war, and those that I thought would be anti-war were horrifically pro-war. It made my nose bleed. Residents of The United States are a lot more varied and deep that I thought.
Except for the stupid ones. You know who you are.

Alright, as it is getting late, I will rap this up with one thought. How many people out there believe GW's statement that "The Draft" will not be reinitialized? I'm not sure which way I sit on it, but I do know that it was a major bone of contention for the election. The entire GOP told us that the draft wouldn't be reinstated. Now what happens if it is... cause you know it will be. Are we going to hold the government accountable? Is there going to be hell to pay? Are we, the people who were lied to, again and again, just going to sit around and take it up the collective poop-chute? I sure as hell won't take it... will you?

Here...

I found this on BoingBoing.net. It's grand, and yet I stand by my statement about foriegn policy.

MY MODEST PROPOSAL: THE U.S.A.R.
By C. B. Shapiro

I feel bad for the Red States.

Yes, they won the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court and most of the state houses. But they still can't have the country they really want because the last few Blue States won't roll over. So I am making a simple proposal:

Secession. Divorce. Splitsville.

Personally, I think we made a huge mistake not letting them go when we had the chance back in 1862. Well, no time like the present to correct an old mistake.

Then, they would finally be free to have the kind of society they've always wanted; church and state can be fused so they build the kind of theocracy they've dreamt of, with Jesus at the helm. Then the new USAR (United States of America Red) can ban books, repeal civil rights, persecute gays and have all the wars they like. They want prayer in schools? More power to them. They can ban abortion and post the Ten Commandments in every federal building in their country. Bring back slavery, if they want. We'll be free to live with our like-minded countrymen who believe in science, modernism, tolerance, religion as a personal choice, and truly want limited government intrusion in our personal lives. Why should each side be driven mad by the other any more, decade after decade?

Call the Culture War a tie and everyone go home.

Of course, we in the U.S.A.B. get the Gross Domestic Product, businesses and universities of California, New York, Massachussetts -- basically the whole Northeast and Northwest (plus Illinois and Michigan if they want to come along). They get Wal-Mart and Duke and most of the Nascar tracks. But they can feel free to import movies, TV shows, financial services, and defense technology. We'll import country music, bibles and Confederate flags.

The two countries will by necessity have open immigration policy: anyone who feels they are living in the wrong country can just move across the border, no questions asked.

Ultimately, why should I have to convince my fellow countrymen that Darwin may have had a point and that the word “liberal” is not equivalent to “godless communist?” And why should they be forced to live in a country with morally corrupt non-believers? I'll stay in the messy, free-thinking U.S.A.B. And to the U.S.A.R. I say…

God bless you all, and see you at the U.N
[Boing Boing.net]

Have fun ya'll. I'm going back to watching Comedy Central.

Yeah, we're boned.

Now, I understand JR will disagree with this post, and thats his perogative, and also what makes this country great, but we are super-boned. Dick Cheney and his puppet George are back in power, for another four years of political darkness. We'll see huge, unchecked government spending (or more of it), the rape of the land in the form of oil drilling, and more civil rights are going to get flushed down the tubes, I "Gah-ruan-tee"! If the top cats aren't careful, this coming four years could be the breeding ground for a social revolution, or even a political one.

To all of those who are rolling your eyes and saying "If you don't like it, move to another country," I say "Fuck off." There is no way in hell I would put myself at THAT end of this country's horrific foreign policy while Cock Cheney and Curious George are in charge. No way in hell.

Boned.

How fucked are we?

I don't know yet. Seriously, I could come up here and say "Oh, man, we are so fucked, and here's why," and then go off and do some fierey diatribe about how everyone sucks... but I just don't know how fucked we are yet. Boing Boing.net, one of my favorite newsblogs, is continually documenting reported errors, voter fraud, intimidation, etc. However, when I went to vote, everything went smoothly, despite the fact that the young lady who was working the book couldn't find my name. (She was younger than I... and... well, she had big hoots, so I forgave her. How horrible.) So I don't know what to think, although I am very, very, VERY glad that McHenry County is still using paper ballots. It makes me feel much more secure in the fact that my vote will not be lost in the ether that is a hard-drive crash or hacker attack, and will instead be shredded with thousands of others, mashed into a fine pulp, and spread about in the worlds largest hampster cage.
Updates to come.