The SUV Comment...

This small post stems from a comment I left on Ryan Boyle's weblog about SUVs, and a half-hearted defense of SUVs (meant with no malice, I'm sure) by the wonderful Kelly. Kelly, let it be known that while I may get nasty, in regards to my feelings about SUV owners who don't properly use their vehicle, I don't mean to insult you personally, nor do I intend you, or anyone else, to take offense to it. It's my own particular brand of hyperbole. Now that that crap is out of the way...

What the fuck is wrong with your people? Why the hell do you buy the largest vehicle that you can, designed for hauling people and gear through the roughest terrain that the earth can muster, and tool around Schaumburg in it? Does it make you feel special? Empowered? Important? A Fascist? Well, fuck off. If you want a vehicle with four-wheel drive and lots of cargo room, buy a damn Subaru Outback. It's get better gas mileage, too. Well, you argue, what about all this and that and blah blah bla-fucking-blah. What... are you going to use your SUV for work? What do you do? A construction worker? A farmer? A Savanaha Desert Tour Guide Operator? Kool! Go to it, you'll love the utility that most older SUVs will give you, but don't buy a new one. They couldn't go off-road for more than about 5 miles at 30 MPH without falling apart. They're all plastic and shit. Fuck that noise. Get yourself a nice 70's Jeep CJ, or an early 80's Land Rover, they'll last you forever. But wait... you say you're not a construction worker, a farmer, or a Savanaha Desert Tour Guide Operator? You work at the GAP in Woodfield? Ah... well, I could see why you would need that big hulk of machinery. They're quite handy for fording rivers, killing people that drive regular sized cars, and running over small children, only two of which happen often in the suburbs. Yeah, that sounds like fun! Whoopee!
Anyway, my argument comes down to this: If you're not going to use it for it's intended purpose, why buy it? SUVs are expensive to buy and to operate. Get yourself a normal sized car, and get your Kiabatsu Monstrosity off the road. It's not only useless, but it's dangerous.

Whatever.