I have created a monster...

and I think I'm proud. The situation of which I speak is my sister has started a blog. Thats right folks, now you can get two agitated Bellon's for the price of one! Lovely.

Finally, they have opened a Monkey College! It's about damn time! Millions of monkies go under-educated or uneducated every year, and I, for one, am just appalled by it. Might I suggest to some of my Simian brethren that they get some of the most important college nescessities.

Of course, I tease. The university is actually set up to train helper monkeys, which is hip with me. While I have never seen a helper money, I can only imagine that they are rockstars of disability aid. I mean, c'mon, monkeys, man. I know if I was disabled to the point where I could use a helper monkey, I would want one so bad... I couldn't wait to eat that monkey! But in all seriousness, this university is doing great things, and bless the people who give her money to keep the training program running. Page 2

Hello? McFly?
Well, after reading Keith's experience with McDonalds employee stupidity, it reminded me of several run-ins with the dumb masses.
So, I'm running off to a gig, about 2 months ago. Now, as those of you who have played with me know, I may be late to social functions, but I am early to gigs. Why? It's more professional to be there and set-up early, plus it gives me the ability to take my time, and drink my wine, but I digress. So, I'm running off to a gig, and being as I'm worried about getting there in an hour, I have no time to eat at home. That leaves McDonalds as basically the only fast-food option. No problem, I can eat pretty well off their dollar menu, so I get up there and order myself a Medium Fry, a McChicken, a Double Cheeseburger, and a Coke. I pay the chick at the window, and get my food. Look in the bag, I see frys and McChicken, and something else, alright, no problem. Off I go. I'm almost all the way to I-90, a 30 minute ride from my place, before I get down to the bottom of the bag, heartily anticipating the double cheeseburger. Instead, I pull out a McRib. What? Huh, well, not bad. Then I take a look at the sandwich. It's obviously a special order, with cheese and no onions (BLECH!). Now, I can understand if maybe it was a special order double cheese, or even another round sandwich, but the McRib is nowhere NEAR the shape, weight, smell, blah blah blah of a double cheese. What kind of waterhead... anyway, I understand I'm probably blowing it out of proportion, but I wanted my Double Cheeseburger, not some mutant McRib that doesn't even have onions on it. Whatever, basically I'm pissing in the wind. Who cares, right? Fuck it. Damn idiots. It's like the time the cashier at McDicks tried to convince me that I only handed her a $10 rather than a $20. Hah. Fuck off, lady. Just because your too stupid to either steal out of the register when I'm NOT right in front of you, or you can't tell the difference between 10 and 20 is not my fault. Gimme my damn Big Mac, bitch. Page 3.

Something just hit me. Now, it's not like this is a new realization, but for some reason, it has been reinforced and clarified at this moment. I realized Stevie Wonder kicks some serious ass! I don't mean, like, standard, "Wow, thats cool" ass-kicking. This is a full-blown, bowing at his feet, "Holy Mother of Fuck, you are amazing" kind of ass-kicking. It was his extended harmonica solo on "Isn't She Lovely?", a tune I've heard dozens of times, that did it for me. I guess I finally just listened to what he was playing, and tried to analyze his technique. He is a monster. Good God. Page 4.

I'll leave you with this... Bush and Ashcroft should be tried, convicted, and imprisoned, if not hanged, for their actions in the Middle East, and they can be, according to the link. Due to the fact that we haven't declared the people of Iraq exepmt from the Geneva Convention, that means that we violated their rights, according to the Convention. Now, a bill passed in 1996, known as the War Crimes Act, basically bans any American from violating the Geneva Convention, and the law applies to U.S. officials, as well. Punishments for violaters include the death penalty. It should include a spade, a bag of lye and a 9mm. *Ahem* But I'm not violent. However, I'm suggesting we find some people who ARE, and let them take care of it. Whatever.

Fuck 'em all, and let the morgue sort them out.