Liberal Media Bias

Very few three word combinations have made me bristle as much as "Liberal Media Bias," with possibly the exceptions of "Give me Money" or "Not Tonight Dear." Neither of the previous two, however, has been screamed in my face by right-wingers whenever I try and bring up some sort of media study or story to rebutt the media study or story they brought up. It's aggravating as hell. Now, of course, this whole "Liberal Media Bias" thing has been flying around since the beggining of media, but it's also always been accompanied by "Conservative Media Bias," and while it's generally true that both bias' exist, there are still some completely unbiased news outlets out there... the ones that DON'T HAVE ADVERTISERS. Think about that for a second... now breath in... and exhale. Now before you go screaming your head off about how in hell advertisment has any role in the bias of a medium (singluar of media, for those of you who don't know), let us run a little thought experiment, shall we? Seeing as if you want to continue reading this, you have no choice but to take the experiment, let's begin:

You've started a small newspaper, which you publish twice a week. Now, this is a hefty job, as you have to pay reporters to gather news, stringers to write columns, printers and printing costs, and layout people, (or as I was called, "Chief Peon in charge of Layout and Design".) Now, thats a chunk of change to simply throw down two times a week, so you need some help. Advertisers! If you sell enough, each issue, you can continue to print it, put money in the pockets of your workers, and turn a profit on the paper. All of the sudden, you're in the business of making money, instead of disseminating news... which is how it goes in a capitalist society. Now, you want to run an opinion in the op-ed, but one of your major advertisers catches wind of it, and threatens to pull support from the paper if you run the op-ed piece. So what do you do? Well, fuck me, you don't fuckin' put it in, if you want to keep running a business. If this were about ideals, then we would all be broke and happy. But no, everyone wants to be rich and ignoble... but I digress. In a society built on capitalism, there will always be a bias because... (all together now)... Thats right. Money talks and bullshit walks. Sorry folks, thats the way it is.


"Liberal Media Bias" has become a battlecry of sorts for the right wing, and they use it to label anything that goes against their agenda. Now, when I say anything that goes against the right wing agenda, I generally mean truth, although sometimes it IS indeed liberal media bias, but this is VERY infrequent. Alright, anyway, it has become a very effective accusation by the right wing, andanyone who question the goofball's... err, president's choices/sanity is labeled an unpatriotic liberal monster, who eats baby flesh and rapes grandmothers. Dick Cheney clucks his tounge in a motherly manner, shakes his finger and says "Stand behind the President, or the terrorists will win." Then he reseats himself in a chair made from the bones of Enron investors and continues gorging himself on unicorn and puppy blood. (Okay, maybe not unicorn flesh...)

Basically, what I'm getting at is the following:
Dear conservatives,
For those of you who continue calling foul play by the media... eat me. Yes, thats right. I said it. Eat me. William Jefferson Clinton was roasted over the coals for having an intern suck his dick, and rightly so. But it didn't kill anybody, unlike this stupid war that our "leader" has belly-flopped us in to. Shouldn't he be preverbially ball-gagged and fucked in the ass by the media? Yes. Yes he should... and shame on you for being so... well... stupid. This man, "our" president, was a FAILURE until age 40, when he was "elected" President. Then, right up until 9/11, he was an idiot. Then everyone rallied behind him, and he could do no wrong. Well guess what, assholes, he done wrong. Sorry, but it's true. Now get him the fuck out of office, and get somebody who knows their ass from the hole the US troops blew in the ground yesterday.

Or we could just get drunk and say fuck it.